confusion about 90210

“Nah, thats stupid!” fired from my lips to shoot down the suggestion! How did this idiot plopped in front of me think it was a good idea for me to put off college and go live overseas? Fortunately for me that “idiot” with the suggestion had a pretty clear visual on my narcissism and and an unwavering intent to kill. The suggestion was very alien in an otherwise routine argument my sophomore year, but the suggestion itself isn’t what robbed me of sleep that night. My own refusal of the thought, that projected so effortlessly, suddenly left me faltering. The instant of my refusal I considered God’s will as much as I consider the veins of the black top, NADA! Face submerged in my pillow, my american dream mutated into a hideous face reflecting my own self absorption. Then things got real topsy turvy, I popped out of bed walked to my parents room and genuinely apologized to that “idiot” and actually considered my dad’s suggestion.

About three years later I’m entering my fifth month in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. I will swear by it, that suggestion, made so many nights ago, has now morphed into the most lucrative decision I’ve ever made. While I intended, in coming, to benefit this nation God intended to benefit me. In my pride induced blindness I was deluded, believing I was setting aside my best interest as to do God a favor. I realized then that I had forgotten Gods command to live sacrificially (Luke 9:23), but still I overlooked the fact that his plan for us in contrast to our own is like beverly hills compared to skid row (Isaiah 55:9)!

Living in Haiti I have been ceaselessly barraged by scenes displaying hope, man’s potential and overarching all, God’s power and will. I’ve witnessed a three year old transform from the neglected shell of a child into a happy rambunctious light who brings joy to all who see her. I’ve seen the young son of a notorious gangster rebuke his fathers ways, a child who has hardly witnessed any way besides violence and crime swear he would lead a different life. In a society that preaches “take what you can” and demands a self-serving attitude I’ve watched a boy toss aside a treasure to carry a friend.

  Surpassing all the rest though I’ve walked aside a young christian, a Haitian man, with faith comparable to the saints. A faith that disregards the worldly voices and earthly threats, that enables a heart to love the “untouchable” and says stay when everyone else routes an escape. When I first said no to a gap year spent serving all I envisioned was losing my worldly comforts, this man I don’t believe even glimpses at whats worldly, when God calls he goes. He doesn't follow in the mindset of his peers, while they all seek an out from Haiti, a chance to make something for themselves, he desires nothing more than to stay and make something for those here. To his generation his investments pry mockery, pouring into others, those who have nothing to offer, spending all his time on assets with no fiscal reaping. His joy though, stands taller than any others I know, because he finds value in eternity. He recognizes that the life God has designated for him here, even in a 3rd world county, trumps Beverly Hills, Upper East side Manhattan, Paris, everywhere on this earth.

I strive for a faith like this, faith that retains joy even in the worst situation. I hope that physical comforts will be blurred out whenever and wherever God calls. I wish that I will only find value in eternal investments. I pray that all God continues to reveal to me in Haiti I will retain and that life will never so much as recess from the adventure it has been these past months!